Defeat

I just feel tired. I'm tired of trials. I know we're not supposed to be given anything more than we're able to handle but I'm feeling differently about that lately. I want to cry but I can't. My chest feels tight and I feel like I'm having a hard time breathing. I feel defeated. I feel "finished". I'd like to get in the car and drive away and never come back. I know I can't do that because of my daughter. I'd never do that to her. I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm losing it. I want to make my husband happy but I feel like I'll never do that either. He'll never be happy. I know that I can't change people, they're responsible for themselves. He's bored and frustrated, he told me last night. We'll never have enough money to make ends meet. I don't feel like doing anything. I just want to sit in my bed and let Sierra watch tv all day. I'm a terrible mother. How can I be a good mommy when all I do is let her watch tv for hours while I feel sorry for myself and my lot in life.