'Nuff said. :*(
Monday, August 29, 2011
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Burning out
I don't know, I'm burning out. I just feel tired, grouchy, down, etc lately and I can't snap out of it!! I want to cry all the time! I need to be strong, at least for Sierra. What do I do?! What do I need to do to make myself happy?? Please, God, help me!! I'm not strong anymore.
Monday, August 22, 2011
IDK
Last night I was down again because my husband wants me to lose weight! I know it's healthy to be thin. But grr, it's soooo hard! I should have taken care of my body when I was young. I regret that. I hate being fat!! I'm sick of being fat!
I started getting down about other things too. I feel like some people have every stinkin' thing they want! Certain people can commit bad sins and still go to the temple. It isn't fair. Why should they get away with crap? I know I shouldn't judge. I know that the Lord will take care of things in His own time but how do you stop yourself from thinking about things you think are unfair? And "said person" thinks they're an authority on the temple and that they're soooo righteous now and blah blah blah. Sick of it.
I'm kind of down today. I just feel .... down and sad. I wish I could snap out of it. I have the blues. My sister's having a baby blessing in two weeks and I wanna go so bad. My mom gets to go. I wish I was her, she's free to do anything she wants whenever. I'm sick of stupid money, or the lack of it anyway. I want to get out of here, go somewhere. I miss my sister! I hate that she's so far away. At least it's closer than Georgia but still too far for me to travel to. We don't have the money. We never will. They can't come out here either. I miss the days of just having her here in Utah and getting to see her and go places with her all the time. I miss that so bad. We're always gonna live in a trailer. I don't mind living in a trailer, I really don't, because everything is on one level. But sometimes I envy what everyone else has. When am I ever going to learn to be happy with what I have? I just want to cry today. Sometimes when I need to, I can't.
My daughter is such a light in my life. I feel like she was sent here to ME for a reason. I love her so much. I gave a talk in church a couple weeks ago and in it, I told about an experience where I received a blessing in which the Lord basically told me to my face that my husband was sent to help me. Well, since I said that in my talk, my little daughter tells me that sometimes. She'll say "I'm here to help you," I can't believe she would remember that from my talk - she's 2 and 1/2! And kids that age certainly don't listen to talks in church, they seem to be all over the place and playing, coloring, etc. but somehow that sentence got into her head and she tells me that and I just thank Heavenly Father for her! She doesn't know how true her statement is to me sometimes. She does help me. I can't express how much I love her. My heart literally wants to burst open sometimes when I think about how much I love her! It's amazing that you can love someone that much. I guess I understand a little how much Heavenly Father loves each of us, His children. When you have your own children, you feel that yourself. Motherly instinct just makes you feel that way. I'm so glad that she's come into our family. Sometimes when I get down, she's there. I'm grateful for that.
Anyway...I guess I'm done for today. That was a good vent. I feel better. I'm glad I started this blog. I hope it helps anyone else who comes across it. We can beat this! :)
I started getting down about other things too. I feel like some people have every stinkin' thing they want! Certain people can commit bad sins and still go to the temple. It isn't fair. Why should they get away with crap? I know I shouldn't judge. I know that the Lord will take care of things in His own time but how do you stop yourself from thinking about things you think are unfair? And "said person" thinks they're an authority on the temple and that they're soooo righteous now and blah blah blah. Sick of it.
I'm kind of down today. I just feel .... down and sad. I wish I could snap out of it. I have the blues. My sister's having a baby blessing in two weeks and I wanna go so bad. My mom gets to go. I wish I was her, she's free to do anything she wants whenever. I'm sick of stupid money, or the lack of it anyway. I want to get out of here, go somewhere. I miss my sister! I hate that she's so far away. At least it's closer than Georgia but still too far for me to travel to. We don't have the money. We never will. They can't come out here either. I miss the days of just having her here in Utah and getting to see her and go places with her all the time. I miss that so bad. We're always gonna live in a trailer. I don't mind living in a trailer, I really don't, because everything is on one level. But sometimes I envy what everyone else has. When am I ever going to learn to be happy with what I have? I just want to cry today. Sometimes when I need to, I can't.
My daughter is such a light in my life. I feel like she was sent here to ME for a reason. I love her so much. I gave a talk in church a couple weeks ago and in it, I told about an experience where I received a blessing in which the Lord basically told me to my face that my husband was sent to help me. Well, since I said that in my talk, my little daughter tells me that sometimes. She'll say "I'm here to help you," I can't believe she would remember that from my talk - she's 2 and 1/2! And kids that age certainly don't listen to talks in church, they seem to be all over the place and playing, coloring, etc. but somehow that sentence got into her head and she tells me that and I just thank Heavenly Father for her! She doesn't know how true her statement is to me sometimes. She does help me. I can't express how much I love her. My heart literally wants to burst open sometimes when I think about how much I love her! It's amazing that you can love someone that much. I guess I understand a little how much Heavenly Father loves each of us, His children. When you have your own children, you feel that yourself. Motherly instinct just makes you feel that way. I'm so glad that she's come into our family. Sometimes when I get down, she's there. I'm grateful for that.
Anyway...I guess I'm done for today. That was a good vent. I feel better. I'm glad I started this blog. I hope it helps anyone else who comes across it. We can beat this! :)
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